1. Avoid Carrot sticks. Anyone who puts carrot sticks on a holiday buffet table knows nothing of the Christmas Spirit. If you see carrots leave immediately. Go next door they are serving rum balls.
2. Drink as much EGGNOG as you can. It is rare and can only be found at this time of year. Who cares if it has 10,000 calories in every sip? It is not as if you are going to turn into an eggnog-aholic or something. It’s a treat. Enjoy it!
3. If something comes with gravy. Use it!! Gravy does not stand alone. Pour it on. Make a volcano out of your mashed potatoes. Fill it with gravy. Eat the Volcano.
4. As for the mashed potatoes, always ask if they were made with skim milk or whole milk. If it’s skim, pass. Why bother? It’s like buying a sports car with an automatic transmission.
5. Do not have a snack before going to a party in an effort to control your eating. the whole point of going to a Christmas Party is to eat other people’s food for free. Lots of it. Hello?
6. Under no circumstances should you exercise between now and New Year’s. This is the time for long naps, which you will need after circling the buffet table while carrying a 10-pound plate of food and a vat of eggnog.
7. If you come across something really good at a buffet table, like frosted Christmas cookies in the shape and size of Santa, position yourself near them and do not budge. Have as many of them as you can. They are like a beautiful pair of shoes. If you leave them behind, you’re never going to see them again.
8. Same for pies. Apple, Pumpkin, Mincemeat. Have a slice of each. When else do you get to have more than one dessert? Labor Day?
9. Did someone mention Fruitcake? Granted, it is loaded with mandatory celebratory calories, but avoid it all cost. I mean have SOME standards. (Basic Grey’s next Christmas line is named Fruitcake- You can have as much of that one as you want. IN STORES JUNE2010)
10. Remember this motto to live by. ” Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the attention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, martini in the other, totally worn out and screaming, “WOO HOO what a ride!”
Have a great holiday. I am sure the top 10 list of new years resolutions will de-bunk many of the above. I think this is called cause and effect. Go out and enjoy life!!
